Monday, August 29, 2005

What we found at the end of the Rainbow!

I am definitely ALL ABOUT a road trip.
Especially those that include the following;

Drive-In Movies, what could be better then parking in front of a GIANT screen, sitting in comfort with feet on the dash, snuggled in a blanket, no loud idiots that talk through the previews (except those that were invited..KIDDING), eating like a pig with no one to see you, yelling at the screen without getting kicked out, AHAHHH I could go on for hours.

Theme/amusement parks - especially those aimed at 8-9 year olds. Just knowing that all the little kids are looking at the 2 hysterically laughing retards on the rollercoaster and thinking WOW I just hope I am THAT cool some day is enough to make it fun. And PLUS, screw the little kids…they don't get to hog all the ice creamy treats and trolley rides!

-THE Beach. - I am a sun lover, I am a beach lover, I am a water lover, I LOVE to relax, I am however NOT a BUG lover, and I would like to say a quick shout out and FUCK YOU to all the bugs that got squashed in the making of this road trip

- Drinking/Eating - All road trips must include a certain snippet dedicated to guilt free Gluttony..I am also the master of this task.

- Late night drunken chats with the girls (that includes jumping and doing flips on the bed) - This age old tradition dates back to the slumber days of Yore. Many a sexual tip, past experience, and gem of a story is bound to be revealed.

Gas -100.00, food 150.00, entertainment 50.00 - loads of laughs, the sight of Amy flying/SCREAMING down a waterslide, and fantastic Friends - PRICELESS!!!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

AVON- have you lost your mind????

I just had to comment on the most recent issue of the avon catalogue that someone just handed me.

Ok ladies get your checkbooks ready!!!

"get a tighter tummy and lifted buttocks in just 4 weeks"

Some of the other highlights from the ad -

Lift and Tuck professional body perfection....
Reduces JIGGLE
Reduces SAGGING
By week 4 you should have 79 % firmer abdominal skin and 82% lifted buttocks.

I am almost speechless...but I guess I just wonder how, and who performed the study that confirmed that your buttocks are 82% higher. Here is how I imagine "Mr' Buttocks lifter" dude telling his wife about his day at work

Mr Bottocks lifter - Hi honey
Wife - Hi sweetums, how was your day?
Mr Bottocks lifter - great!!! Suisies ASS is already 50% higher and 3rd quarter projections indicate that we may reach 60% or even 70% by the Christmas Catalogue
Wife - that's great dear, meatloaf for dinner??

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Multi-Tasking

I believe it to be a well established fact (at least in my mind) that woman are much better at multi-tasking then men. Case in point. ME. Now I don't wanna toot my own horn…but baby move over cause ... toot TOOT!! Here are all of the things I have noticed I can to accomplish in an 8.5 hour work day.

First, I arrive at work at approximately 8:05 (5 minutes late virtually EVERY day), drink my morning coffee while leisurely surfing my e-mail, at around 9 am I decide to get to work. For the rest of the day I manage to fit in a variety of work like tasks, pretty much all my own and sometimes that of other people, looking up recipes for delicious new foods and other Martha/Oprah like ideas, on line shopping - including some of my favourites like sears.ca, ebay.ca, ikea.ca, etc, researching conspiracy theories, checking the weather multiple times , checking my banking information multiple times AND paying bills, e-mailing a co-worker that works less then 10 feet away about 50-100 times a day, talk to my sister in law at least 100-200 times a day, and on days when she doesn't work, talking to Amy 100-200 times a day, multiple (and I DO mean multiple) trips to the BR cause I DO drink the recommended 8-10 glasses of water a day (PLUS coffee), checking every blog I can think of, checking the BB6 site every hour to see what those crazy house guests are up to now, and chatting with my beloved NUTTY co-workers every time I get up (the latest gossip being that of a potential affair, a divorce, possible suicide, and that was all last Tuesday) I also fit in a lunch break, and 2 fifteen minute breaks.

I personally think that I should be paid much more then my counterparts, I mean come on…anyone with that amount of useless shit happening in their life definitely deserves some sort of compensation.

Now aren't you glad I just told you where some of your tax dollars are going….

J