Monday, February 14, 2005

Singles Awareness Day

How could I let this occasion pass without some kind of homage to old Saint Valentine..so here it is, the top 10 reasons why I fucking hate Valentines Day.

10. It's impossible for anyone to come up with a completely original date on V-Day so even if you have a BF anything you can do has already been done

9. I am pretty sure that some dude from Hallmark invented it, got a promotion and now sits fat and rich in a pimped out mansion somewhere eating all the chocolates he wants with his big fat wife, laughing at all the pathetic people who helped him swindle millions

8. Men/Woman who feel obligated once a year to show each other how much they love one another...ummm hello, if you only like each other 1 day a year shouldn't you re-evaluate your relationship

7. Fucking CKBW is playing sappy love songs all day, and have been mentioning V-Day since 6 am this morning..jesus there is no escape

6. PITY FLOWERS - As much as I LOVE my parents, its really pathetic that the only bunch of flowers that I get is the one that I get from them EVERY Year. And even sadder is when co-workers enter my office and see the flowers, and get all excited because MAYBE it might have been a boy that sent them. Then I have to squash their joy and break the news that its a "pity bouquet" from my parents. Really just spreading my depression and misery to others!

5. People that have Romantic dinners at Pizza Delight! BARF

4. The poor fucking kid in Elementary school that gets no Valentines ( something like Ralf who only got 1 from Lisa, that said...".you choo-choo choose me" and then finds out later, that it was a pity valentine(much like the one I got from my parents)

3. Eating too much chocolate and going into a sugar coma - cept for those who are allergic, who eat some and die (that's perhaps a little worse) Plus I am on a diet and supposed to be giving up chocolate, so every bite makes me more and more guilty!

2.Any day that makes a point of putting relationships (good or bad) in the spotlight, and making those who are not in one, feel like pathethic lepors has to go

1. I don't have a boyfriend or a potential booty call, so I won't be getting laid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only good thing about this day, is it is centered around PINK which is awesome and always a reason for me to celebrate .

V-Day Sucks!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

A Christmakah Miracle

Ladies and germs......my dream has come true......it's been a Christmakah miracle, without the Christmakah......I WON A TRIP TO THE VEGAS TO SEE SIR ELTON!!!!!! I'm still in a cloud of euphoria...and I feel as though I won't really understand what the hell just happened until I'm touching down on the Strip! The lucky guest that is accompanying me on this Elton-extravaganza is Marcus Thomas Noel. It was a close toss up between the Fark and my Dad.....but in the end I realized I could hold this over Marcus's head for the rest of his life, and that's an opportunity that I just couldn't pass up. Though, here, on this wonderful blog, I am vowing that someday I'm going to take my Dad on a trip....maybe to The Vegas....maybe to the moon...who knows what travel will be like when the time comes where I can afford it. Ok....I just wanted to share the most wonderful moment of my LIFE (not counting the day Marcus actually WANTED me to "officially" be his girlfriend....that was pretty huge too), with all of you super-caga-fraga-listic ladies.
ELTON....I'M COMIN!!!!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

I'm in Love...Again

Ok this one is going to be short and sweet.

I am in Love with my Boss....does anyone have a problem with that....No....Good then its settled

J

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The new road rage....gym rage

The Fitness Phenom is losing her cool! I don't know if any of you girlies feel this way, but going to the gym is a pain in the ass (or groin, or chest...take your pick) on the best of days. I turned over a new leaf in September to prep up the "bod" for Cuba this coming April. I feel like I have done pretty well however, my patience level is shot......so here's my GYM PET PEEVE list (let me know if you have any to add):

~ Nakedness - now I know we're all girls in the locker room (I think), but I can't help but feel uncomfortable when naked women that you don't know, proceed to converse. I DON"T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK!!!! Or how 'bout when some large ladie's huge neked caboose brushes up against you as she BENDS OVER!!! I feel like there should be a polite etiquette regarding thenakedness such as turning into a corner while pulling your knockers out to prevent taking someone's eye out!!!

~ Lockers - why is it that when it is just you and one other person in the locker room, out of the 300 lockers, the other person picks the one directly beside you?
~ Cardio machines - why is it so hard to get the one that you want??? I always get stuck with the stupid rower or the treadmill with the loose belt....so I keep tripping and everyone laughs at me.

~ Skinny girls - now I know it makes sense that you go to the gym to look better....but I feel like the skinny clan was skinny before they started going there and should just stay home and work on getting fat.

~ Bar Stars - I am the first to admit that on occassion I will match my socks or bandana to my shorts or tank, however, I have issues with the hoochies that wear the belly shirts, put on makeup, DON't WEAR A BRA!!!!, or have perfect ponytails when at the gym. Save it for the Palace bitches.

~ Poor ventilation - Sweaty men have body odor. Why can't there be some sort of system to take that shit away. I am there to work out no exphyxiate(no idea how to spell that) myself!

That's just a few ladies. I feel much better now.